dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
