Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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