I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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