i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
