I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
