i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
