Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
