After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize