yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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