She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
