she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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