and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
