So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize