garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
