nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He has the fingertips of a God
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