Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
false alarm, still single
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
