I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
