Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
