did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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