I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
