I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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