Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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