apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
