I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize