I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
