make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
