Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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