Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
