We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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