I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize