i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
