I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
