life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
