yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
