Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
