Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
