I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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