Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
