So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We are two peas in an std pod
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
