Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
