How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
