I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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