What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
