How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
