This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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