"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
