I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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