did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
