i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
