Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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