the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
