I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
