I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
