smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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