Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
sarcasm needs its own font
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
