): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
