Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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