so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
