just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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