the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
