1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
