You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
