After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
me + whiskey = a bad person
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
