She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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