So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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