i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
